You've been so wrong for so long now [ Posted on January 06, 2010 @ 11:14 pm ] chaimustang [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | Answering Machine - Matt Nathanson ] It's not even my fault, I can only control so much. I have this all figured out, I have it worked to perfection. Every word, every action, every day, all of it planned. Everything so careful and thought over. Sometimes I get careless, sometimes I make mistakes, sometimes my humanity shows through. I accept that, I realize when I've done wrong and I try to make it better. But this wasn't even something I could have prevented. Just a lack of knowledge, a wrench thrown into my perfect machine of existence. I shouldn't have to be so scared over nothing. It's not what I want, it's not anything. I know there is no recognition for this work, only some small personal validation. But it is enough for me, just so long as the machine works. Comment

And I can't breathe without you, but I have to [ Posted on January 05, 2010 @ 11:41 pm ] chaimustang [ music | Breathe - Taylor Swift ] I am a stupid, stupid girl. Someone needs to take this heart away from me, I cannot control it, it is destroying me. If I could just find some good use for it, maybe I'd let it stay. Comment

[ Posted on January 03, 2010 @ 11:15 am ] electricnoise Dear European vessels: stop sailing off the coast of Somalia Read (1) Comment

This was a therapeutic chain of events [ Posted on January 02, 2010 @ 12:23 am ] chaimustang [ mood | busy ] [ music | Camisado - Panic! At the Disco ] It is a new year, and I feel so old now that it's a new decade. It's funny how much things have changed, how much I've changed, how people have changed. My mom told me that after college, you'll go through so many changes in a year that this won't even compare. I'm kind of scared but also excited. This year I didn't make any real resolutions, I'm fairly happy with everything. I have good friends, I exercise, I've gotten back into reading, I'm dealing with my family. It's not perfect, but it'll work. Perhaps the only change I would make might be toward the whole...well, men, issue. I resolve to not let these little fancies, the games, the drama, any of it affect me. I will not let myself be sad for these things, I will not let myself worry about these things. I will take them in stride and let whatever is going to happen, happen. I will not fight it or force it. I resolve to be stronger. Comment

There was a time that we'd stay up all night [ Posted on December 30, 2009 @ 12:50 am ] chaimustang [ mood | cold ] [ music | Before the Worst - The Script ] A dream. We are children, in elementary school for whatever reason. Walking down the hallway you were there, and I was so happy, but you had to leave, had to go somewhere, to class? I begged you not to leave me, not to abandon me in this strange place. This little version of me was throwing a fit and about to cry, and that younger, dream version of you took my hand and pulled me up. You took me into the classroom, sat down next to me and I was happy, scribbling with crayons on some paper. Then they came, police officers, security guards, whoever, they had no business. You stood up, said a soft goodbye and I was crying again, holding on to you, they couldn't take you, not from me. You were so calm, so certain, I was a mess. They took you out of the classroom and I was alone. Awake. What is with these messed up dreams? Whenever someone pops into my life for a moment, just the most fleeting of things, and there they are, stuck in my head. Of course, it's never the people I think about most, my mind knows better. Comment

[ Posted on December 28, 2009 @ 5:22 pm ] shadowrstrife @ delen i wonder if she's my tom i wonder if wondering is a bad sign Comment

Love wasn't built for speed [ Posted on December 26, 2009 @ 11:57 pm ] chaimustang [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | Fall For Anything - The Script ] Merry Post-Christmas, everyone! Or, um, just me, and my blog. Whatever. I've been weirdly busy these past couple days, which is fine by me. The day before Christmas I spent with my mom and at my grandparent's house, then back to my dad's for Christmas day and spending time with my dad's side of the family. Today I played tennis with my new racquet, visited my aunt's new store, and went on a tour of the Shanghai Tunnels (aka Portland Underground) with my mom and sis, which was very cool. I can't believe I'll be back in Slo in a week, I'm excited and kinda sad, too. It just feels like this break is going by so fast, but we've all gotta get back to school sometime. In the meantime, a little catalog of Christmas gifts: - Owl City, Bon Jovi, Paramore, Bon Iver, and The Script CD's - Super Mario Bros. Wii - Fiesta Ware bowl, plate, and cup - Stick blender - Big Bang Theory Season 2 - Zelda Spirit Tracks - Little Big Planet PSP - Amory Wars TPB Comic book - Uno Jewelry - Wooden car - Slinky - Do Jump ticket - Scarf/Glove set - Skull Candy Headphones - Dragon Cookie cutter - 3 McFarlane Dragons - Hat and gloves - Stuffed dragon - Blanket - Cornell T-shirt - Dragon poster And that's most of it, a pretty good haul, looking at it all written out. I don't think I could have asked for anything better. Well, maybe a little snow. Comment

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